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Holocaustal Home Page!
OUR MISSION STATEMENT:
1. The elimination of The Conspiracy by whatever means necessary.
2. The extermination of the normals with extreme prejudice.
3. The eradication of all slackless religions, philosophies and cultures.
YES! This means YOU, your royal Pinkness!
Who Are the Holocaustals?
There are two branches within the Church of the Subgenius. The first branch is the Ivangelicals, epitomized by Ivan Stang, a sacred Church scribe who believes normals should be enslaved on X-day. Despite their limited intelligence and unclean habits, Ivangelical's claim that normals can still be used for productive purposes like sex and menial labor. But the second and more recent church branch vehemently disagrees. We're the Holocaustals, and we believe the best and final solution for the normals is TOTAL eradication. While Ivangelicals feel a pink purge would be too messy and mean, Holocaustals argue it is more humane to put the normals out of the misery once and for all. As the end times approach, the rivalry between the Ivangelicals and Holocaustals has sometimes reached violent proportions. Both camps, however, agree on the same common goal: Societies current contamination by Pinkness and Normality must come to an abrupt end.
Normals burn on X-day
The Year 1998 Problem:
Some folks are discouraged that the Xist UFOs didn't fly down and burn the planet clean of pinks on X-day (July 5th, 1998) as promised by J.R."Bob" Dobbs. These concerns may seem justifiable to the casual observer. After all, the "normals" were supposed to be slaves or rotting corpses by now. What happened?
First, let's be realistic: It is blasphemous to think that the sacred X-day, 1998 would possibly refer to a CONSPIRACY calender. Why would a religion based on J.R. "Bob" Dobbs recognize a calendar that begins on the birthday of a competitor like Jesus? The faithful should be ASHAMED for ASSUMING otherwise. We know July 5th is July 5th, but 1998 could be next year or even the year after that (Year of their Lord 2,000).
Moreover, many subgenius scholars believe that the date was written upside down, and that 1998 is really the year 8661. No doubt some cynical subgenius' feel that six thousand more years is too long to wait. WRONG AGAIN. Year 0001 is based on a cosmic event of SUBGENIUS significance, not Pink or Normal. The big event might have been the earliest abduction of a Pink, or the first successful cross fertilization of Xist and Yeti DNA, or even the first low orbit excretion that fell out of the sky and evolved into the human race. Such an event would have occurred thousands of years ago, easily over 8,000 years ago! So it only makes sense that 8661 is right around the corner...
If we knew exactly when the Subgenius year 1998 or 8661 was, do you think we would announce it on the internet? Of course not. The normals monitor the net for information on Subgenius plans for world domination on a daily basis. (Not to mention bug our phones, intercept our mail, and stake out our homes.) The LAST people we want prepared for the attack is THEM. The Church of the Subgenius will keep having X-day drills every July 5th, so that the conspiracy becomes more smug and reassured that it's all just a joke. Then, when they are completely unprepared and the REAL X-day rolls around- WATCH THE SKIES!
Dobbs is a patient man, but he doesn't like to waste anyone's time. He's planned this out so that we get a chance to rehearse while the Pinks become acclimated to our threat and no longer take it seriously. It appears both these criteria have been met. Clearly, the end times are upon us!
The Year 1999 Problem
Apparently, the millinium bug crashed the Xist computers, and they had to put off the invasion to become fully compliant.
The YUCK Problem
July 2000 was thought to be the REAL X-day, because THREE's the CHARM, and besides, everyone already knew the world will end on the dawn of the new millennium. So why even bother stockpiling supplies? The Xist shock troops would hunt everyone down like DOGS and any saved food will merely feed the killers after every human carcass ran out. But alas, t'was yet another drill...
2001, A Space Oddity
Finally, the end is nigh! 2001 is the REAL beginning of the new millennium, and conversely, the END of the LAST!
The Justification for Violence:
The Subgenius race is a peaceful race. We prefer a quite, slackful existence. Our declaration of war against the Pinks and Normals was a reaction to their attacks, not an idea of our own. THEY started it when they created a conspiracy that enslaved our ancestors and robbed us of our freedom, individuality, and most importantly- slack. We might have been able to let the other sins go, but slack deprecation was the last straw. The penalty for defying Dobb's covenant of Slack for all peoples is DEATH. It is our holy mission, a sacred Jihad that we must fulfill. Only by completely vanquishing the dark stain of slackless sacrilege can we cleanse ourselves for allowing the sin to happen in the first place. In other words, destroying the pinks and normals hurts us more than it hurts them, but we'll destroy them anyway... out of penance.
Scientists experiment at the M.I.H.P.C.
A Method to our Madness:
If our reaction seems a little severe, may we recommend a few hours of commercial television as evidence of the importance of our goals? Or perhaps a day collecting signatures for the "homes for slackless children" petition in your local shopping mall? Either of these experiences will provide you with all the proof you need that the only good normal is NO normal.
That being said, we are not out to cause undo pain. Our scientists are constantly experimenting and researching for new and exciting methods of Mass Euthanasia at the Mengele Institute for Humane Population Control (The H.P.C). Current discoveries include walk-in microwave ovens (which are much faster than conventional varieties), Nitrous Oxide Gas Chambers (where inhabitents literally laugh to death) and Paint Ball tournaments using live ammunition (we call it "blood ball").
Fulfilling your Duty to Dobbs:
Speed up our Dobbsian Destiny by sending a $30 Hate Offering to the Church of the Subgenis, P.O. Box 140306 Dallas TX 75214. That money will be invested in important propaganda campaigns to confuse and mislead the normals regarding our agenda. If you wish to learn more about the Subgenius Foundation by visiting the Official Subgenius Web-site, click here.
Also, support your favorite Holocaustal Preachers. Buy their tapes and other products for sale. This not only allows them to devote more time to spreading the Holocaustal message, it also gives you, the faithful, a chance to become more familiar with the wisdom of the Holocaustal Movement. Here is a list of the three top Holocaustal preachers, the so called "Angry Young Men-In-Black." (Listed via seniority according to the Subgenius Preacher's Union code.)
Saint Janor Hypercleets. The earliest and most vocal subgenius preacher to advocate genocide of the Normals. (He moved to LA to work in television.)
Papa Joe Mama: The Thinking Man's Demagogue and leading Holocaustal revisionist. To see a list of his hell fire rants on tape, visit Papa Joe's Gallery of Horrors on The Web by clicking here. Or e-mail him at PapaJoe@subgenius.com.
Doktor Legume: The so-called "Preacher of the Black Legume". His skin head and smooth baseball bat are often the last image pinks ever see! E-mail him at address: Legume@subgenius.com
Inside the Inner Sanctum! Care to see the 13 Apostles enjoying the last supper within the Inner Sanctum? Then Click Here. You can use the opportunity to meditate about your pending fate after the final reckoning. View (from left to right) Papa Joe Mama, Rev. Nicki, The Mystery Apostle (could it be you?), Doktor Legume, Ivan Stang, J.R. "Bob" Dobbs, G. Gordon Gordon, Susie the Floozie, Rev. Sternodox Keckhaver, Saint Janor Hyperleets, Rev. Strange, and Friday Jones. The main course? Long Pig.
We actually removed the following link after it helped convince the Boston City Council that we were a hate group (which we are: We hate ALL humans). But then we thought, "hey- why REWARD them for being so pink?". So it's back: The Aryan Resistance Hate Page link. What's more, we ENCOURAGE you to visit this page as often as you like. You might even want to LINK it to YOUR OWN page as well! (That'll teach 'em.) Or maybe even JOIN the Aryan Resistance, just to flex your Constitutional rights and piss off the P.C. police even MORE! (We especially encourage minorities to join, since diversity will make them stronger.) But if you spend any money, make sure "Bob" gets his cut first. Consider it a "finders fee". (Eternal salvation will be tossed in at no extra charge.)
Another subversive link is the Ivangelical site of Save the Humans. It's a disgusting thought, to be sure, but one that is included here in the interest of maintaining a free market place of ideas. (We figure that even in a free idea market, they'll pay to know that they really think.)
And for all you bleeding hearts out there who think "there aughta be a law against" this kind of deviancy, we've commissioned a special film for you as our way of saying thanks for your continued activism to achieve that goal. One day, your dream will be a reality and everyone will be alike. Until then, keep hope alive!
THE TOP 20 SINISTER SUBGENIUS SCIENCE-(NON)FICTION FLICKS!
See the 20 most subgenius films of all time, and why they're that way. Click here.
More X-DAY DRILLS
This is NOT a DRILL! Be there or be dead: It's that simple. Besides the survival benifits, it's fun too. Kinda like pin the"dagger in the normal". You'll love it. See the sub-site for details and go to the "EVENTS" section.
XX-DAY Devival Report: (Short but sweet)
Click here! For a brief play-by-play!
THE SMALL PRINT:
If you are horrified by the material you find on this page, we suggest that you write your congressman and demand they put an end to free speech on the internet. (We understand. You're just doing your patriotic duty.) And if you're one of those sadistic sickos who find this sort preview of your doom stimulating or funny, go ahead and laugh. We'll see who laughs last when those UFOs come down and burn the pink flesh off your screaming skeleton. NOTHING can stop "Bob" Dobbs or X-day. The authorities have files on us a MILE THICK, they've tried to shut us down before but it only makes us BIGGER and BADDER. To paraphrase a great philosopher, "What does not destroy us, magnifies our HATE." So go ahead. Try to piss on our parade. We LIKE it.
NOTICE! POLITICAL DEATH THREAT to KEN REEVES, Boston City Councilman: We know you're reading this Ken, and WE KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE! If you don't send in your $30 Hate offering and get right with "Bob", we're going to take out full page ads in your local paper and PUBLICLY SUPPORT YOU in the next election! Then you can kiss that soft leather chair with the brass coasters goodbye, and rest your fat lubricated ass in a stiff folding chair, just like the other taxpayers who attend the city council meetings have to.
The following link is not meant for public viewing. It is intended for card carrying Holocaustal Hate Groupies ONLY. If you go here without authorization, you'll regret it: http://members.tripod.com/Papajoe666/banned.html
OUR PLEDGE: This page has been approved by the I.W.S.A.B. (International Web Site Approval Board) and complies with all necessary requirements of being easily understood by the lowest common denominator. We support the guidelines set forth in the I.W.S.A.B. code, which state if anyone could be inspired to do anything harmful to themselves or others based on published material, than that material should never be published. Although this is not an international law yet, we VOLUNTARILY comply with the code in order to be good internet citizens... for the children.
COPYRIGHT: All material on this page is Dobbs Approved and copyright © 1999 by The Holocaustal Foundation. No portion of this page may be copied, reproduced, or publically repeated (especially in court) without prior written permission.
You are experimental rat # to take the wrong pill.